6 Months Later...

Well, I can't believe it has been 6 months since I returned from Hungary!
To be honest, life right now is not at all what I expected it to be when I landed in America after a year in Hungary, but I don't know a time in my life that I have grown more in my knowledge of, and relationship with God. I thought that my time in Hungary would be more stretching than anything I could face coming home, I mean I now know what they say to me when I go to checkout at the store! :) But it has been 6 months of crazy ups and downs, joy and heartbreak, faith and fear, need and provision.
A few updates on big things. God has really shown his faithfulness through the church, and that has been something that has amazed me as much as anything! Coming back from Hungary I was definitely tight on money (for some reason being a missionary doesn't pay well, who knew? :) ), but for the first few months I was able to stay with the Bartels, then the last four months I have been adopted into the Cowden clan! I don't really have words that can describe the gratitude and thankfulness I have for the ability to stay at these two places except to say that they have been Jesus to me in their incredible hospitality.
I have also been looking for a full time youth pastor job since returning to Portland, and although I had a few leads, nothing has worked out. I had this expectation, real or not, that when I came back I would quickly get a job full time, but as time has gone on I have realized the need for patience and waiting for God's timing on all of it.
The biggest struggle being back has been battling with being content where God has placed me in life. The prideful part of me absolutely hates "living off" of other peoples generosity because I feel like a 25 (or now 26) year old freeloader, and that wasn't in my plans. I have also struggled with not enjoying work and being so limited in my ability to spend time with students at church. Along with this all I have had to deal with struggles and pain that I has made my life feel even more unsettled and like I have absolutely nothing actually figured out. In the end, though, I think that is exactly where God wants me because never before have I been so dependent on him, and never have I had so much contentment in the midst of so many questions! Sure, my fears are still there and they crop up from time to time, and sure my mind still has the incredible ability to over think something as simple as a short talk. But I know that in the end, God is the one holding me up. He is the one giving me the love that I need to love others. I am more dependent on God now than I was when I left Hungary, which is a shock to me because I thought that was my most challenging year!
To wrap this up I have this verse that is always on my mind in the challenges. "Although he (Jesus) was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus suffered like all of us, even more (suffer is a strong word but I think even small things can cause suffering), but in the end he learned obedience to God because of the pain. Think on it. Believe it. Live it.

Amazed

Well, I am quite amazed with what has happened in the last few weeks! God has provided so much through incredible people! When I landed in Portland less than 3 weeks ago I had no idea where I would live, I had no money for a vehicle, and I wasn't sure what my job situation would look like.
First, I have been looking for a place to stay and incredibly I ended up having multiple options! I was hoping that I would have a place, but never expected to have multiple choices. I am amazed by how willing people have been to help and open their homes to me!
Second, I have been trying to raise money for a car since my mazda broke down before I went to Hungary. Already, I have been able to raise well over half of the $2000 needed for a car! People have been very generous and encouraging!
Finally, I knew that it was likely that I would be able to get my old jobs back, but it was great to know that I actually had the jobs at church and as a valet. I am looking for a full-time youth position in the Portland area, something that I know will only happen with the help of God, so I'm going to work on being patient until he provides an opportunity.
On top of these things I have also received gift cards from my church in Klamath Falls to help me get on my feet with all of the small expenses and such that happen when moving across the world.
All this to say that I am incredible blessed and thankful for the people in my life! My family, my church, and my friends have all been so supportive and I look forward to seeing where God leads! A few weeks ago I knew nothing. Now? All of my big worries are gone!