I have had it on my mind for a while to
write about what I believe. I'm not fully sure why, but I feel a
desire to share my passion. One reason is probably that I have
struggled with doubt recently, which isn't the most uncommon thing
when following Jesus, but can be very difficult. It has brought me to
the point where I need to state clearly what I believe, so I hope
this shows you a little bit more about me, and encourages you in some
way; whether you are a fellow believer that needs encouragement or
someone who doesn't know Jesus to look at him again.
I don't know where to start exactly, so
I will go with hope. This is all that I have at some points, and all
I can hold onto. I generally think of myself as a happy person, but
there are those moments when all good seems to disappear and all I'm
left with is the hope I have found in Jesus. Recently I talked at the
Junior National Team camp about my pursuit of something to put my
hope in. I went through the whole list of things I have pursued,
whether innocent or not. I was reminded in this also that the only
thing in this life that I have put hope in, and that hasn't failed me
is Jesus. That may not make sense to you, but I highly value knowing
that I have a hope in Jesus that can't fall victim to time and
corruption, like everything else in this world. I mean, just think
for a second about things you have put hope in today in pursuit of
happiness and satisfaction. For me it has been in movies,
friendships, and food. All of these aren't bad, but I put hope in
them to make me happy, but they don't last. Friendships should
satisfy longer than food, but there are many close friends that I
thought would never leave my side that I haven't talked to in 5
years. Jesus isn't like that though. God doesn't leave. I mean sure,
it sometimes feels like it, but then I look back and see how he
brought me through the tough times even if I didn't see it at the
time. I know from my experiences that he is worth putting hope into.
Another reason is that Jesus gives me a
reason to live. I have had times in my life where I have felt
useless, and I have never been closer to depression than in those
moments. Honestly, though, the times when I'm living for my own
desires are even worse than the useless times. Everything I pursue
lets me down when I'm pursuing my own happiness. The happiness I'm
referring to is kind of a joke anyway because it is totally based on
circumstances and nothing else. We all do it; we all seek it. Its the
American dream. Happiness, though, is only good if your feeding the
fire, then it generally involves a crash soon after. We weren't made
to seek after our own happiness, but rather God's. You may not agree,
but personally, I have never had more joy in my life than when I
spent a week chopping wood with a bunch of high school students in a
remote part of Canada. I have never had more joy than when I'm
sharing Jesus with a bunch of baseball players in Hungary. I have
never had more joy than when I'm actually obeying Jesus and feeding
the homeless. I have had times where I am more happy, sure, but then
that happiness wears away to nothing while the joy that I have found
serving Jesus carries on and on.
Honestly those 2 go together more than
I realized when I first started writing, but I hope you can get a
little bit out of this. I'm halfway through my time here in Hungary,
and it hasn't been easy. I've never felt more alone, I've never been
so consistently challenged, but I've also never been so sure of my
call to serve Jesus with my life. I obeyed God and came here not
really knowing why or what would come of it, and he has really pulled
through and the challenges are followed by great joy, and the
loneliness is followed by a peace and comfort that I have never felt
before.
Thanks for reading all of this, if you
got this far... :) if you have any response or anything please email
me at capitanbrian@hotmail.com
. Wow, I just realized how badly I need to change that...still have
it from my high school nickname... :) Anyway, I end with a challenge
for you to think hard about what you believe, its what I needed this
last month, and God has used it to encourage me and remind me of his
enduring love and patience. Oh and more will come on this topic too.
