Well, I can't believe it has been 6 months since I returned from Hungary!
To be honest, life right now is not at all what I expected it to be when I landed in America after a year in Hungary, but I don't know a time in my life that I have grown more in my knowledge of, and relationship with God. I thought that my time in Hungary would be more stretching than anything I could face coming home, I mean I now know what they say to me when I go to checkout at the store! :) But it has been 6 months of crazy ups and downs, joy and heartbreak, faith and fear, need and provision.
A few updates on big things. God has really shown his faithfulness through the church, and that has been something that has amazed me as much as anything! Coming back from Hungary I was definitely tight on money (for some reason being a missionary doesn't pay well, who knew? :) ), but for the first few months I was able to stay with the Bartels, then the last four months I have been adopted into the Cowden clan! I don't really have words that can describe the gratitude and thankfulness I have for the ability to stay at these two places except to say that they have been Jesus to me in their incredible hospitality.
I have also been looking for a full time youth pastor job since returning to Portland, and although I had a few leads, nothing has worked out. I had this expectation, real or not, that when I came back I would quickly get a job full time, but as time has gone on I have realized the need for patience and waiting for God's timing on all of it.
The biggest struggle being back has been battling with being content where God has placed me in life. The prideful part of me absolutely hates "living off" of other peoples generosity because I feel like a 25 (or now 26) year old freeloader, and that wasn't in my plans. I have also struggled with not enjoying work and being so limited in my ability to spend time with students at church. Along with this all I have had to deal with struggles and pain that I has made my life feel even more unsettled and like I have absolutely nothing actually figured out. In the end, though, I think that is exactly where God wants me because never before have I been so dependent on him, and never have I had so much contentment in the midst of so many questions! Sure, my fears are still there and they crop up from time to time, and sure my mind still has the incredible ability to over think something as simple as a short talk. But I know that in the end, God is the one holding me up. He is the one giving me the love that I need to love others. I am more dependent on God now than I was when I left Hungary, which is a shock to me because I thought that was my most challenging year!
To wrap this up I have this verse that is always on my mind in the challenges. "Although he (Jesus) was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus suffered like all of us, even more (suffer is a strong word but I think even small things can cause suffering), but in the end he learned obedience to God because of the pain. Think on it. Believe it. Live it.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
Amazed
Well, I am quite amazed with what has happened in the last few weeks! God has provided so much through incredible people! When I landed in Portland less than 3 weeks ago I had no idea where I would live, I had no money for a vehicle, and I wasn't sure what my job situation would look like.
First, I have been looking for a place to stay and incredibly I ended up having multiple options! I was hoping that I would have a place, but never expected to have multiple choices. I am amazed by how willing people have been to help and open their homes to me!
Second, I have been trying to raise money for a car since my mazda broke down before I went to Hungary. Already, I have been able to raise well over half of the $2000 needed for a car! People have been very generous and encouraging!
Finally, I knew that it was likely that I would be able to get my old jobs back, but it was great to know that I actually had the jobs at church and as a valet. I am looking for a full-time youth position in the Portland area, something that I know will only happen with the help of God, so I'm going to work on being patient until he provides an opportunity.
On top of these things I have also received gift cards from my church in Klamath Falls to help me get on my feet with all of the small expenses and such that happen when moving across the world.
All this to say that I am incredible blessed and thankful for the people in my life! My family, my church, and my friends have all been so supportive and I look forward to seeing where God leads! A few weeks ago I knew nothing. Now? All of my big worries are gone!
First, I have been looking for a place to stay and incredibly I ended up having multiple options! I was hoping that I would have a place, but never expected to have multiple choices. I am amazed by how willing people have been to help and open their homes to me!
Second, I have been trying to raise money for a car since my mazda broke down before I went to Hungary. Already, I have been able to raise well over half of the $2000 needed for a car! People have been very generous and encouraging!
Finally, I knew that it was likely that I would be able to get my old jobs back, but it was great to know that I actually had the jobs at church and as a valet. I am looking for a full-time youth position in the Portland area, something that I know will only happen with the help of God, so I'm going to work on being patient until he provides an opportunity.
On top of these things I have also received gift cards from my church in Klamath Falls to help me get on my feet with all of the small expenses and such that happen when moving across the world.
All this to say that I am incredible blessed and thankful for the people in my life! My family, my church, and my friends have all been so supportive and I look forward to seeing where God leads! A few weeks ago I knew nothing. Now? All of my big worries are gone!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Back in Portland!
Hello!
I made it back to Portland with almost no adventures! The only difficulty was walking with all of mine and Brynna's luggage as we were on the Chicago Public Transit (El) to the airport...but we survived and made it! I spent the last few days in Chicago visiting with Brynna at Moody. It was great to see her (I arrived on her birthday) and see a new city! In some ways I couldn't wait to get back to Portland and what actually felt like home, but it was still fun to adventure around the cold city! It was a weird feeling, though, because I wasn't home and I wasn't in my Hungarian home, but rather stuck between the two like a twighlight zone, although jetlag may have had something to do with that...I was able to stay with Brynna's boss and even had a great view of Sears Tower from my room, but I was looking forward to seeing everybody that I have missed for the last year!
Leaving Hungary has definitely made me miss it, and especially all of the people that I grew close to and spent time with. I know everyone has heard the saying that "Home is where the Heart is," so now I pretty much have my "Home" all over the place, which is good and tough at the same time. Good because I can go many places and see people I love and care about, but tough because I am not able to be in four places at once and no matter where I go now I will miss people (unless everyone gets smart and moves to Portland...). Now that I am back in my Portland version of Home, the plan is to intern at my church in Lake Oswego (Mountain Park Church) like I was doing before I left for Hungary, as well as work valet again. The goal is to find a church to work at as a full-time youth pastor, but, until that point, I am thankful to have these other jobs.
I now need to ask for your help. I am in great need of a car and place to live very soon. I didn't make any money last year in Hungary and so I am in need of help in these areas because I have only enough money to pay off my student loans next month. If you would like to help me in my financial need as I am getting back to Portland I would be very greatful. I am looking to raise about $2000 for a car and around $500 to help me find a place to live. If you would like to give, just mail a check to my church:
Brian Kroeker
40 McNary Pkwy.
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
Also, if you hear of a car, would be able to let me borrow one, or a know of a place I can stay temporarily or long term, please let me know! I have mostly been able to stay free from the stress and fear that comes with a lack of money and these necessities, but I know that God will provide as I have experienced constantly over the last few years. I ask that you would pray for me throughout this process as well. Pray that I would be able to continue to be patient and willing to do what God asks of me. The last year was a struggle being so far from everything familiar and "normal," which stretched me. Now that I am back to my "normal," I am being stretched in a completely new way, but I am looking forward to the growth that will come out of the struggles.
Leaving Hungary has definitely made me miss it, and especially all of the people that I grew close to and spent time with. I know everyone has heard the saying that "Home is where the Heart is," so now I pretty much have my "Home" all over the place, which is good and tough at the same time. Good because I can go many places and see people I love and care about, but tough because I am not able to be in four places at once and no matter where I go now I will miss people (unless everyone gets smart and moves to Portland...). Now that I am back in my Portland version of Home, the plan is to intern at my church in Lake Oswego (Mountain Park Church) like I was doing before I left for Hungary, as well as work valet again. The goal is to find a church to work at as a full-time youth pastor, but, until that point, I am thankful to have these other jobs.
I now need to ask for your help. I am in great need of a car and place to live very soon. I didn't make any money last year in Hungary and so I am in need of help in these areas because I have only enough money to pay off my student loans next month. If you would like to help me in my financial need as I am getting back to Portland I would be very greatful. I am looking to raise about $2000 for a car and around $500 to help me find a place to live. If you would like to give, just mail a check to my church:
Brian Kroeker
40 McNary Pkwy.
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
Also, if you hear of a car, would be able to let me borrow one, or a know of a place I can stay temporarily or long term, please let me know! I have mostly been able to stay free from the stress and fear that comes with a lack of money and these necessities, but I know that God will provide as I have experienced constantly over the last few years. I ask that you would pray for me throughout this process as well. Pray that I would be able to continue to be patient and willing to do what God asks of me. The last year was a struggle being so far from everything familiar and "normal," which stretched me. Now that I am back to my "normal," I am being stretched in a completely new way, but I am looking forward to the growth that will come out of the struggles.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Change (finally a blog update)
Well, incredibly I only have 2 months remaining here in Hungary. I am still not fully sure how to feel about this because I have really grown to love the people here and all this amazing country has to offer! I also miss everyone at home in the US, and I am starting to get super excited about seeing everyone and reuniting with family and friends after a year away!
Anyway, this year has been an incredible adventure, and it has easily been the most difficult year of my life for a few reasons.
First, I have never had to say goodbye to everyone I know for a year. Fresh starts are fun, but even though I'm a lot better at getting to know knew people, the introvert inside is still screaming for the people I am fully comfortable around and have known for years. The loneliness that I have felt at times has been more difficult than I expected. It has been especially difficult being away from Brynna and my family (especially with a new nephew and niece coming this year), but through all of this I have been reminded of the comfort that God provides. His love extends to every corner of the world; there is no place that I can go that his love and comfort and grace cannot reach me! I have never seen that more that in this time here in Hungary.
Second, communication is always an adventure. I feel like this struggle has come in waves because at first it was tough to just go to a store to get food. The awkward interactions with people because I had no idea what they were saying starting to make me want to go to self checkout every time, but as time went on the awkward moments became less awkward (at least for me... :) ). The most difficult part of the communication struggles is just not being able to talk the the players about their days and their lives. I have longed to get into deeper conversations with the players that don't speak english, but everything has been limited. Amazingly, though, I have seen God's faithfulness in this as well! I have learned to communicate with actions (and translators) and the players still know the purpose of why I am here in Hungary. I have still been able to see God move in the lives of people I interact with, not just through me but through others!
I won't continue and talk about the other difficult things about being here because if you put all the things that happened here in a giant melting pot and stirred it up, only good would show! That is supposed to be a positive metaphor if it makes sense to anyone... Anyway, the struggles of this year have been completely overcome by the joy that has come along with it! I have never been more sure of Jesus being the only holder of true joy. I have never had to say to God so many times, "use me in whatever way you need because I am clueless what to do to help." I never imagined the joy that God has shown me and the grace that he provides every day.
So yeah, to wrap this though up, I have had a challenging year here in Hungary, but God has been faithful. Which brings me to the next stage of my life. Moving back to Oregon! I am extremely excited, but I'm also battling against fear and worry. I don't currently have a place to live. I don't currently have a vehicle. I don't currently have a job. Three things that bring a little bit of comfort to my life to say the least! I have thought about it, though, and realized that just because I'm going home to a place where I know a lot of people, and a place where I can speak english to pretty much everyone, God is still calling me to have faith. Right now I am working on applying for different youth pastor jobs around the northwest, but if I arrive home and don't have a job lined up there is only one thing to do, trust God. If it ends up being really difficult to find a place to live and a car that is only one thing to do, trust God. (also continue to look for opportunities, but thats a given :) ) Anyway, I would appreciate any prayers on this! God is faithful, God is loving, and most of all, God is in control! Whatever happens to me, whatever, Jesus must be everything!
Thanks for reading my long update, first in quite a while... :)
Anyway, this year has been an incredible adventure, and it has easily been the most difficult year of my life for a few reasons.
First, I have never had to say goodbye to everyone I know for a year. Fresh starts are fun, but even though I'm a lot better at getting to know knew people, the introvert inside is still screaming for the people I am fully comfortable around and have known for years. The loneliness that I have felt at times has been more difficult than I expected. It has been especially difficult being away from Brynna and my family (especially with a new nephew and niece coming this year), but through all of this I have been reminded of the comfort that God provides. His love extends to every corner of the world; there is no place that I can go that his love and comfort and grace cannot reach me! I have never seen that more that in this time here in Hungary.
Second, communication is always an adventure. I feel like this struggle has come in waves because at first it was tough to just go to a store to get food. The awkward interactions with people because I had no idea what they were saying starting to make me want to go to self checkout every time, but as time went on the awkward moments became less awkward (at least for me... :) ). The most difficult part of the communication struggles is just not being able to talk the the players about their days and their lives. I have longed to get into deeper conversations with the players that don't speak english, but everything has been limited. Amazingly, though, I have seen God's faithfulness in this as well! I have learned to communicate with actions (and translators) and the players still know the purpose of why I am here in Hungary. I have still been able to see God move in the lives of people I interact with, not just through me but through others!
I won't continue and talk about the other difficult things about being here because if you put all the things that happened here in a giant melting pot and stirred it up, only good would show! That is supposed to be a positive metaphor if it makes sense to anyone... Anyway, the struggles of this year have been completely overcome by the joy that has come along with it! I have never been more sure of Jesus being the only holder of true joy. I have never had to say to God so many times, "use me in whatever way you need because I am clueless what to do to help." I never imagined the joy that God has shown me and the grace that he provides every day.
So yeah, to wrap this though up, I have had a challenging year here in Hungary, but God has been faithful. Which brings me to the next stage of my life. Moving back to Oregon! I am extremely excited, but I'm also battling against fear and worry. I don't currently have a place to live. I don't currently have a vehicle. I don't currently have a job. Three things that bring a little bit of comfort to my life to say the least! I have thought about it, though, and realized that just because I'm going home to a place where I know a lot of people, and a place where I can speak english to pretty much everyone, God is still calling me to have faith. Right now I am working on applying for different youth pastor jobs around the northwest, but if I arrive home and don't have a job lined up there is only one thing to do, trust God. If it ends up being really difficult to find a place to live and a car that is only one thing to do, trust God. (also continue to look for opportunities, but thats a given :) ) Anyway, I would appreciate any prayers on this! God is faithful, God is loving, and most of all, God is in control! Whatever happens to me, whatever, Jesus must be everything!
Thanks for reading my long update, first in quite a while... :)
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